Monday, September 27, 2010

On turning 29

It's my last year of my 20's.

I'm going to confess a fear...

I fear getting old.

I know I know. Turning thirty is HARDLY old. I realize this. I also realize my fear of flying in large planes is largely unfounded. It's more of a phobia of sorts I suppose.

Thirty represents a time for me, of when you're meant to settle down. You've lived your fun and fancy free twenties. A time when you've tired of living by yourself, living with gobs of roommates. But what if you haven't? What if you were married and had a child before you were even legally allowed to drink alcohol? What if you were ALWAYS the goody goody kid that followed the rules?? What if you were referred to ALWAYS as the stable, uber mature teen???

So here I am, with at least a toe starting to dip into my thirties, having never let out the wild child of my twenties.

I have on occasion been known to let loose a bit. I dance ridiculously... well just ridiculously, but that doesn't stop me! I take week long road trips with just my weenie and camp in my car. I've backpacked through parts of Europe with this lady friend. I've partied like a rockstar in Vegas (on more than one occasion). Though I've been married for nearly ten years I've managed to keep (thanks to the most wonderful husband) a hefty portion of my single, independent self.

So why on earth do I have this fear? Do I possibly have a skewed idea of what youth really is? Probably. Do I sometimes wonder what it would have been like strike it out on my own and rely on only myself? Of course.

You may think by reading this that I live with a lot of regret. I don't. Sometimes I can be distracted by daydreams of what might have been... but given a chance to do everything again I wouldn't change a thing.

Not one.

So where does this leave me...

Well, I could wallow in my so called lost 20's
Get over my irrational phobia and embrace my almost thirtydom and hold tightly to the spirit of staying young.

I'm choosing the latter... good choice no?

ALSO, here are some photos from my 29th. We spent the weekend in the mountains (my favorite) and took the ski lift to the to the top of the San Francisco Peaks. Most relaxing beautiful day ever.


Jaccalyn said...

I have had some of the same thoughts, i decided when i turned 29 that my 30's were going to be my BEST years, i am calling them my 'thrilling 30's'.
I will not be one of those that cries on my birthday, for fear of getting older. I see myself like a fine wine, i get better with age. Getting older to me, is becoming more mature, having more wisdom.
Its a constant endeavor to
learn to balance being a mother of 3, a wife, and also being who i am. Not loosing sight of who God created me to be.

Congrats on turning 29...I pray this year is full of Blessings, more than you can imagine.

RosyRevolver said...

. . . fantastic post. Thank you.